[Dan DeQuille, The Seven Nimrods of the Sierra, The Overland Monthly, January 1888]

 

60        The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           [Jan.

 

THE SEVEN NIMRODS OF THE SIERRAS.

 

            ON a pleasant September morning a party of seven lusty young Comstockers boarded a wagon, chartered for a month's cruise, and set out for a ramble in the Sierras. The party numbered just seven. This fact was noted and commented upon by our Corn-stockers as they set forth. Seven being a mystical and symbolical number in the world's history, both sacred and profane, it was considered a good omen that the party consisted of just seven men.

            In their exuberance of spirits, and the inflamed state of their fancy at setting forth upon an expedition of so much importance as a four weeks' ramble in the mountains, the happy fellows determined to rechristen themselves, — to take noms de guerre, after the fashion of adventurers of the olden times. In regard to the names there was much discussion. No set of names could be hit upon that was satisfactory to all. When a man found a name that satisfied himself, his friends objected to it as one they would be unable to remember, or as being too long and unwieldly.

            At last one of the young men repeated the following scrap of doggerel :

                        " Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,

                                    Acts o' 'Postles, Dick and TOM."

            Here," cried he, " are names for all of us, and easily remembered, too. This is a roll-call ready made."

            " But, hold on," objected another : " Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Dick, and Tom are but six names."

            " That is easily arranged," said the first speaker ; " we have only to call one man Acts o" Postles and there are names enough."

            " Excellent !" cried a big, good-natured fellow —" just the thing ! I 'll be Acts o' 'Postles."

            The other names were distributed satisfactorily and the party went forward as—Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, Acts o' 'Postles, Dick, and Tom.

            " It is rather curious, is it not," said Matthew, " that in that bit of doggerel there should be found exactly the number of names required for our party ? "

            " Not at all," said Mark. " This is a most important expedition ; it is followed by the eyes of the gods from Olympian heights -- then bear in mind that seven is a magic number. It is composed of the first two perfect numbers, equal and unequal, three and four, (for the number two, consisting of repeated unity, which is no number, is not perfect,) it comprehends the primary numerical triangle, or trine, and square,

1888.]              The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           61

or quartile conjunction, considered by the favorers of planetary influence as of the most benign aspect. In the Bible, everything that is good goes by sevens, from the creation of the world down to the seven eyes and seven horns of the Lamb. We are predestined to be fortunate in all we undertake on any one of the seven days of the week, in any of the seven phases of the moon, or under the light of the seven stars, sifting down through the seven heavens."

            "Then," said John, " the Persians, Egyptians, Indians, Greeks, Romans, and all the nations of antiquity believed in the virtues of the number. The Pythagoreans — "

            " Yes," broke in Luke, " then there are the Seven Wise Men of Greece."

            " And the Seven Wise Masters," said Mark.

            " And the Seven Sleepers of Ephesus," said Dick.

            "And the Seven Wonders of the World," said Tom.

            "Jacob served seven years for Rachael, and seven additional before all was settled," said Matthew.

            "And Pharaoh's dream of the fat and the lean beasts, and of the years of famine, was all in sevens," put in Luke.

            "Hippocrates says : 'The septenary number, by its occult virtues tends to the accomplishment of all things, to be the dispenser of life, and fountain of all its changes,' " said Mark. "But why pursue the subject further, for as the moon changes her phases every seven days, so this number influences all sublunary beings. Yes, all things move by sevens, and we are seven who will move all things," and the young man gave a comprehensive wave of the right hand, as though sweeping the whole world back into chaos.

            "If we are not the 'Seven Wise Men' of the world we will at least let the world see that we are not 'Seven Sleepers ' nor the 'Seven Fools' to be like old Nebuchadnezzar turned out for seven years to grass," cried Acts o' 'Postles, slapping his hand vigorously on his thigh. " We are the Seven Nimrods of the Sierras ! That 's what we are."

            All day the " Seven Nimrods of the Sierras" traveled on, and in the evening pitched their tent near a ranch at the edge of the forests of the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains and at no great distance from the town of Genoa, situated some miles below Carson City.

            The seven heartily enjoyed the novelty of cooking their own supper, and ate it with wolfish appetite after it was cooked. Pipes and cigars followed. Reposing about their camp fire the Seven Nimrods were for a time supremely happy. All the wonders of the mountains, at the foot of which they reclined, lay before them. These wonders they were about to explore. Filled with a fervor fierce as that of old Don Quixote, they had sallied forth in search of adventure, and they itched to begin their exploits forth with.

            To break ground in a small way, they concluded that a good thing to do would be to make a raid on the nearest ranch and secure a stock of potatoes. The night was propitious. There was no moon and the only light was that shed by the stars. This, however, was the light best suited to a plundering expedition.

            Being provided with a pack of cards, the seven brought them forth and performed an operation called cutting, for the purpose of deciding which of the party should go out against the potato field.

            The lot fell upon Acts o' 'Postles, whose name by this time had been cut down to "Acts." A worse selection could not have been made by the Fates. Acts was the poorest mountaineer of the party. Outside of a town he was as helpless as a child. He knew nothing of the craft of the hunter or the art of the angler. Notwithstanding this ignorance, he had brought with him a great stock of hunting and fishing imple-

62        The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           [Jan.

ments. " I shall learn the whole business in an hour," said he.

            Acts had also insisted upon retaining his city attire, even to his white shirt and diamond studs. "If I die," said he, " I shall die like Nicanor, in my harness." He was a six-footer, a Hercules in build, good-natured, and as easily governed as a child. He was strong enough to have carried six bushels of potatoes, had they been dug and placed upon his shoulders; which was about what was necessary to be done in order to make him a success at potato stealing.

            However, Acts had not the slightest suspicion that he did not possess every qualification necessary to insure the success of the enterprise on which he was about to issue forth; and when supplied with an empty barley sack, he carelessly flung it over his left shoulder and set out in the direction of the ranch he was to raid, quite confident of the success of this his first predatory expedition.

            It was about eight o'clock in the evening when Acts thus set out. Nine, then ten o'clock passed, and he had not returned. Along about nine o'clock, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Dick, and Tom had put forth not a few jokes in regard to the success of the remainder of the couplet, Acts o' 'Postles.

            Some said he would come into camp loaded down with unripe squashes and melons, as they had forgotten to tell him that potatoes grew under the ground ; others asserted that he would not find the ranch, to say nothing of the potato field, though they had passed it but half an hour before making camp.

            At ten o'clock, all in the camp had grown really uneasy about the "Potato Fiend," as they had begun to dub their absent friend. They talked over every evil that could by any imaginable chance have befallen him.

            He could not have been detected and shot, as they had heard no report of a gun. This was about their only consolation. Several were of the opinion that Acts had become bewildered and was perhaps, even at the moment they were speaking of him, wandering away from the camp, far into the hills.

            It was finally decided that Luke and John should go down to the ranch and search for the lost Acts ; that Dick and Tom should go up the road beyond the camp ; and that Matthew and Mark should remain at home to keep house. Matthew and Mark were to keep the camp fire blazing, as a beacon, and all arrangements had been made for setting out, when Luke held up his hand and cried :

            " Hark ! "

            " What is it ?" asked the others.

            " I thought I heard a noise as of the snapping of a dry stick, off down there," said Luke, pointing in the direction of the road.

            " One of the horses," said Dick.

            " No, they were both grazing back here five minutes ago," said Luke, nodding his head toward a dark region behind the camp.

            " A stray cow or sheep — " began Matthew, but he concluded with :

            " No, by Jove ! I see some one coming ! See, down there toward the road !"

            " Sure enough !" exclaimed Luke. " Why, it 's a bloody, begging Washoe Indian. They 're camped all about here."

            " It does look like an Indian," said Matthew, " for his head is done up in a rag."  At this moment up stalked the subject of the foregoing wondering remarks, marching into the full light of the camp fire.

            " Acts o' 'Postles himself, by the two-headed Janus !" cried Tom.

            Acts had also been at once recognized by the others, but all were too greatly astonished for the moment at the woful figure he cut to utter a single syllable.

            Well might they be astonished. Poor Acts was in a pitiable plight. Little remained of that " harness " in which he had resolved to die, in imitation of Nicanor.

1888.]              The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           63

All that was left was his pantaloons. He was stark naked from the waist up. A handkerchief was tied about his head, and his feet were wrapped up in rags.

            It seemed almost impossible that this abject being could be the same Acts o'  'Postles that two hours before sallied forth gayly, and so finely arrayed, to win the plaudits of his comrades in arms by bringing into camp a three-bushel sack of potatoes. He was a dilapidated-looking foraging expedition.

            "Are you hurt ? "— "Are you wounded ?" was soon the general cry.

            "Haven 't got so much as a scratch — wish I had ! " was the puzzling answer of Acts.

            "Glad of it, my boy," said Dick, " but by the blazing Jupiter you look as if you had been run through a threshing machine!"

            " Never you mind about that !" was the gruff reply of Acts, and taking up a blanket he wrapped it about his stalwart form and gloomily squatted himself down before the fire, as stolid in face as an Indian.

            Great was the wonder of the remainder of the Apostolic crew at the restrained manner and woeful countenance of Acts o 'Postles. For a time they respected his grief ; but curiosity was tearing at their vitals. It was not in the nature of Acts long to bury in his bosom any trouble he might have, therefore when Matthew, his most valued friend, said :  "For Heaven's sake tell us what has happened ! " Acts turned his eyes sadly upon the speaker and said, " I 've had a fearful time of it ! "

            "That is plain," said Matthew. "To have been reduced to your present condition you must have passed through a terrible struggle."

            "The mere physical struggle," moaned Acts, "was nothing — amounted to nothing at all. Really there was no struggle in that sense; but my mental sufferings have been extreme, I assure you. It was the keenest of torture to be made to suffer the indignities that have been put upon me — inflicted tonight while I was unarmed and utterly helpless. I pledge you my word I would have preferred being grievously wounded —shot through and through — to being so infernally mistreated as I have been. But you cannot understand this till I tell you all that happened."

            "Surely not ! We are all in the dark ! Tell us all about it !" cried the assembled Apostles.

            "Well," began Acts, "you all know how promptly and cheerfully I set out to do the bidding of the Fates. Good fortune attended me at first. I found the potato field at once and soon had filled and shouldered my sack. In passing out of the field, I even had the luck to stumble upon a melon patch. So I halted, poured out a portion of the potatoes and put into the bag a big watermelon, thinking, as I made the exchange, what a surprise it would be to you fellows in the camp.

            "Full of happy thoughts, I shouldered my sack, left the field, and struck into the road. I was going along musingly with my head down, thinking how delicious the potatoes would be, when nicely roasted in the ashes, and was in the very act of smacking my lips when a smack of another kind aroused me — a smack across the back.

            " Put down that sack and hold up your hands !' cried a gruff voice. I lost no time in obeying the command. When I had lowered the sack, and had pushed my hat back from over my eyes, I saw standing on each side of me a man with a leveled shotgun. Near at hand stood a third man. He also had a shotgun. However, it was on his shoulder, not leveled upon me. As I looked toward this man, he laid his gun on the ground and approached. I was now placed in the center of a triangle of footpads.

64        The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           [Jan.

            " What is your name, my child ? ' said the taller of the two ruffians that were holding me under their guns.

            " ' Acts o' 'Postles,' said I almost before thinking.

            " 'Acts of the Apostles," said the fellow, in a tone of surprise, then added, 'Indeed,' and turning to the man who had laid down his gun said, 'Go through him gently, Thomas.'

            " 'Gently as a young mother would handle her first baby, Captain,' replied the man.

            " I own that at first I was somewhat startled at the appearance of the men, but their mild talk so far reassured me that I said, 'Unarmed as I am you 'd find me no baby if you came for me one at a time, or even two ; but as you are three to one I submit myself to your tender mercies, confident that — though you do come three at a time — you are men of courage and gentlemen.'

            "'Spoken like an angel!' said the tall one. Then turning to the short villain he said: 'Handle him as though he were a kitten, Thomas ; we must respect the Acts of the Apostles.'

            As the man addressed as Thomas began fumbling in my pockets, I felt some satisfaction when I remembered that I had on my person, all told, but about fifteen dollars."

            "Just fourteen dollars and seventy-five cents," said Matthew, who was taking great interest in the story.

            "Thank you," said Acts, "but it is all the same now. Well, when the undersized villain had prospected all my pockets and announced the result of his labors, the Captain gave vent to a fearful growl.

            "'You infernal fraud,' roared he, "what do you mean by deceiving us in this manner and giving us all this trouble for a paltry fifteen dollars ? '"

            "Fourteen dollars and seventy-five cents," corrected Matthew.

            "Well, well," said Acts, "let us not bother about the odd cents.' 'I've a good mind to blow out your brains,' yelled the tall robber — the Captain — shoving the cold muzzle of his gun into my right ear. 'Do you know, you Biblical cuss, that through your fancy toggery and affluent appearance in general, you 've made us follow and dog you all the way from Carson ? It 's a mercy we got you out alone, otherwise you might have been the cause of our cutting the throats of your whole camp, and all for the trifle of fifteen dollars.' "

            "Just fourteen dollars and seventy-five cents," quietly murmured Matthew.

            Acts turned upon Matthew a look of protest, but said nothing.

            "'Shall we allow such a fraud as this to go up and down through the country, deceiving honest and industrious men ? ' asked the robber chief.

            "'Death to the fraud!' shouted the others, and I felt my hair rise and my blood run cold to my heart.

            "'No,' said the brigand in command, 'no, he is unworthy of your steel, my brave lads. You fly at higher game than a pitiful potato thief — a potato thief! Bah! only to think of our having followed the dandy chap all the way down here to find him out stealing potatoes, and digging them up with his paws at that — with his paws like a d---- coyote.'

            "This was truly my humiliating position, and I made no attempt at retort.

            " 'What defence can you make ? What have you to say for yourself !' thundered the robber chief.

            "'Why you should not be shot ?' said the short man, who by this time had picked up his gun, and seemed to be thirsting to use it.

            "'No, not shot,' said the chief, but why sentence should not be passed upon you ? '

            "'Sentence for what ?' asked I beginning ,to grow angry.

            "'Blazes of h —1 !' roared the brigand chief, 'have I not told you ? For being a

1888.]              The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           65

thief and a fraud, and for going about de-deceiving your betters ! But I 'll give you a lesson you 'll not forget till the last day of  your life. Bring him out this way, my men.'

            "The chief left the road and stalked away some two hundred yards across the open country, the two men marching me after him at the muzzles of their guns ; indeed the short rascal took a fiendish delight in keeping the muzzle of his gun pressed between my shoulder blades.       

            " It 's a mercy his gun did not go off, " said Luke.       

            "I wish to God it had!" cried Acts, "for what was to come was worst of all.    

            "Well, at last the chief halted, and as we came up he faced about and sternly said : 'Take off your coat, sir. '

            " I hesitated a moment, but up came two guns, and I took off my coat and threw it on the ground.            

            " 'Take off your vest, sir. '       

            "I took off my vest.     

            " 'Take off your shirt, sir.'       

            "Instead of obeying, I said : 'This is a little too much ! Do you mean so strip me naked ?'

            " Not quite. Do what I tell you— off with that shirt !' yelled the chief, stamping the ground in his fury.   

            " The muzzles of the two guns arose, and I hauled off my shirt and added it to the pile of discarded garments.

            " Now your undershirt and boots,' cried the chief, and I was obliged to obey.           

            " I shall leave him his pantaloons,' said the chief.     

            " Captain, I believe his pantaloons would about fit me,' said the short fiend. The wretch ! it would have been like Tom Thumb in the breeches of the Chinese Giant.'

            " I have said he keeps his pantaloons,' was all the answer the robber chief deigned. 

            " And, sir,' said I, pray be good enough to leave my boots also. The   sharp stones will cut my feet cruelly.'

            " 'His boots will just fit me,' puts in the short devil.    Wait a moment and I 'll run and get his barley sack ; I'll tie his feet up in that. I'll be as good to him as if he were a sucking babe,' and away the fellow ran, the captain chuckling heartily at the idea of tying up my feet.

            " Soon the rascal was back, and seating me on a stone the two under robbers tore up the sack and bandaged my feet with it.

            " 'His hat ! O, I want his hat,' cried that pestilent short thief.  It is just a fit,' said he, trying on my hat, which came down below his ears.  He will do nicely and will not take cold in his lugs if I tie his head up in his handkerchief,' and soon I was rigged out as you see me.

            " Then they escorted me back to the road and started me up it, telling me neither to halt, cry out, nor look behind me till I reached camp, on pain of being shot. I obeyed to the letter — the more strictly as I heard, or fancied I heard, footsteps behind me for a considerable distance — and here I am, a sadder and a wiser man than ever before in my life."

            All had listened to this long and circumstantial account of Acts's disagreeable adventure with much patience and interest, seldom disturbing the flow of his story with interruptions. Now, however, his companions in arms began to ask questions on various points, all swearing it was the "greatest outrage" ever heard of, -- there seemed something malicious about it.

            "Were the robbers masked ?" asked Tom.

            "No," said Acts, "but at the same time their faces were stained or painted. As well as I could see, all their faces were of a dirty red; much the same as if one were to take some of the burnt clay of this camp fire, wet it, and rub it on his face."

            " Indeed, " said Matthew, " I should think that would be a rather thin disguise."

            "On the contrary," said Acts, "it was   

66        The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.     [Jan.

a very good one and very perplexing."

            " But you could see their features ?" queried Luke.

            "Not at all," answered Acts, "the dim light and the dirty red, made all their faces look as flat as a board. All I could make out was their height and build; I could not even distinguish the color of their clothing."

            "About their build, now," said Dick, "about what was their stature and bulk ?"

            "Well," began Acts, stroking his chin and musingly looking about him, "the captain of the gang was a man very nearly of the height and build of Matthew; the mean little devil was about your height, Dick, while the other rapscallion was much of the size and build of John."

            " Oho ! " exclaimed Matthew, " sits the wind in that quarter ? I see by the way in which you are sorting us out that you are beginning to suspect that we played you this trick. I can honestly assure you that not one of us thought of such a thing — that not a man of us was away from this camp during your absence."

            " No, no !" protested Acts, " do not do me that injustice. I merely selected you and Dick and John because you came handy,— I mean because you are about the size and build of the fellows I was trying to describe. No, I should have recognized your voices. The robbers seemed to speak in their natural tones and theirs were voices I never before heard."

            "Well, it was an outrage that must not go unpunished," said Matthew. "We will turn our hunt for game, winged and antlered, into a hunt for the robbers, and we will make it very disagreeable for them when we find them."

            "It will be of no use to bother with them," said Acts.  "We shall never find them; besides, if found, they might kill half our number,— they are cool and desperate villians, I can assure you."

            "They can never kill half our number," said Mark, "for are we not seven, that indivisible and magical number ?"

            "Still they might kill three and half kill another," said Acts, mournfully regarding his companions. "I care nothing for my loss — let it pass — let it go. I forgive you all if you put up the cards on me. It 's only fifteen dollars and some old duds !"

            "Fourteen dollars and seventy-five cents," said Matthew, the correct and practical.

            "But," said Mark, "his diamond studs ! Do they count for nothing ? They were worth every cent of three hundred dollars."

            "The devil !" exclaimed Acts, bounding to his feet so hastily that his blanket was left behind — "the devil ! I never once thought of the diamonds ! It was no mean haul after all. By the head of St. Anthony I have paid dearly for my whistle ! It is bad enough to have to pay the piper, but much worse when there is also the devil to pay !"

            " But we shall catch them — we shall get the rascals yet," cried Matthew. " At the first peep of day we will go to Genoa and put the affair into the hands of the authorities. We will all be deputized and will assist the officers. Now I think of it, we should go tonight — at once. Let us lose no time ! "

            " No, no ; not tonight," protested Acts. " I must have time for thought — time to reflect."

            " It appears to me to be a plain thing enough," said Matthew. " You are stopped by three highwaymen, who strip and rob you. I can't see why you should wish to reflect upon such an affair ? "

            " Well, there is more in this than you know," said Acts. " It is a thing to be well looked into and considered."

            " What !" cried Matthew, " have you kept something back ? Have you not told us all that occurred — the whole truth ? "

            " O yes ; yes, all. I have told you everything I could think of, but — "

            " But what ?" asked Matthew. " Let us

1888.]              The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           67

have no buts' — let us be off to Genoa tonight — at once. Boys, some of you catch up the horses."

            " No, no ! " cried Acts, " don't do it. I can't go tonight, and I will not go ! I must think it over. I am too nervous—am exhausted. My nervous system is completely shattered by what I have passed through."

            " It strikes me that you are getting bad all at once," said Matthew. " You said nothing about nervous exhaustion when you came into camp."

            " I beg your pardon ! " cried Acts, " but did I not dwell particularly upon the mental strain ? -- did I not say that my mental sufferings had been extreme ', or words to that effect ? "

            "I believe you did, but you did not look it," said Matthew.

            "Look it or not, I felt it, and feel it yet," persisted Acts.

            "I did not observe any indication of mental torture," returned Matthew, "until mention was made of your diamond studs."

            " Ah, the devil ! Yes, the studs — my poor studs ! Why will you bring them up to torture me ? " groaned Acts.

            "Then why will you persist in refusing to go and give the affair into the hands of the authorities," flung back Matthew, sharply.

            "That is what he should do, and at once," cried the united apostolic crew.

            "I tell you, gentlemen," said Acts in a serious tone, "there are things to be considered. There are points against me. For instance, with what sort of face can I go and make complaint of being robbed, while myself out on a thieving raid,— while stealing potatoes ? Think of that, gentlemen! `What were you doing out on the road at that hour of the night ? ' asks the justice. 'Stealing a few potatoes, your Honor.' Now, what kind of reply is that for a gentleman to make? "

            "Nonsense! " shouted the apostolic band. "We will explain that it was only a bit of a lark,— a bet,— a little job we put up on you. Besides, what are a few beggarly potatoes ? Pooh!"

            "And a melon, too," groaned Acts, "bear in mind the melon."

            "Well, potatoes — probably a peck of them — and — "

            "No, at least two bushels," interrupted Acts — "at least two bushels. I had at first all of three bushels in the sack and I did n't pour out more than a bushel to make room for the melon. Gentlemen, I will not have even the smallest lie about this whole miserable business. Let the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, be told."

            " So help us God !" fervently exclaimed Dick.

            " Well, telling the whole truth, " said Matthew, "what are two bushels of potatoes — ?"

            "And a melon," sighed Acts.

            "And a melon," said Matthew, to a suit of clothes, fourteen dollars and seventy-five cents, and diamond shirt studs worth three hundred dollars, to say nothing of a most outrageous highway robbery ?"

            "O those studs !" groaned Acts. "Why did I not think of them and hold on to my shirt ? The robbers might have taken all else and welcome, but d — it, the studs !"

            "This affair must go before the authorities," said Matthew in a tone that showed he meant what he said. "It is now so late that we will give it up for tonight, but before sunrise tomorrow morning we set out. It is less than two miles to the town ; we can soon be there and start the officers on the track of the robbers."

            "It will do no good," said Acts, "besides there is the affair of the potatoes and the melon."

            "Nothing need be said about that matter," put in Dick.

            "But the officers will find the potatoes lying in the road when they go to look for the tracks of the robbers," cried Acts.

            "Bother the potatoes and devil take the

68        The Seven Numrods of the Sierras.          [Jan.

melon !" cried Matthew, "they are trifles. Besides, we can see the owner of the ranch and explain all to him. He will see it as a good joke, will laugh at the matter and so it will end. But for the robbers it will be different ; we 'll make things hot for them."

            " No, no !" protested Acts, " no, let the rancher go. I will go and tell my story to the' justice, but we will not go near the rancher. He is an outsider, he is in no way concerned in the business and need not be told of it. Respect my feelings. How can I face him ? "

            " You are silly in your fear of this ranch-man,— a jolly good fellow I'll be bound,—but let it be as you say," and Matthew, who, as a sincere friend of Acts, was taking the lead in the affair, advised all hands to turn in at once for the night.

            Bright and early next morning, Matthew aroused the camp. Breakfast was hastily cooked and eaten, the horses were caught up, and all was soon ready for a start to Genoa. It was decided that Dick and Tom should remain to keep camp; Matthew and Acts would ride the horses, while Mark, Luke, and John would take their guns and go on foot, it being but a short walk and there being some hope of getting a rabbit or a few quail.  

            At the last moment, and even after he was mounted, Acts fell into a lugubrious mood and refused to proceed. He said it would all be of no use and would end in the disgrace and confusion of all concerned. " Let the studs go," said he, " let all go, and let us proceed on our pleasure trip the same as if nothing had happened."

            But Matthew would not hear of it. An outrageous highway robbery had been committed and the perpetrators should be punished.

            Finally, Acts was again brought to the sticking point, but all that was to be required of him was to allow him to make a single statement of the facts to the justice, when they would leave him to act as he might think best.

            The justice was soon found by Matthew and when all were seated in his office —Mark, Luke, and John having arrived—Acts was requested to tell his story.

            "Well," began Acts, "there is very little to tell.  I was passing along the road in a contemplative mood, having left the camp for a little walk. I was gazing up at the starry heavens, thinking of the millions on millions of worlds revolving far away in the eternity of space, millions and millions of miles beyond the reach of all telescopes yet mounted on this visible diurnal sphere, when suddenly two men stepped out from behind a large rock and confronted me with leveled shotguns. I turned to retreat and behind me found two more men with leveled guns."

            Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John looked at each other in astonishment.

            "I told the judge," said Matthew, "in giving him a slight sketch of the robbery, that there were but three highwaymen. I certainly understood you last night to say three."

            "Last night," said Acts, "I was a good deal excited, but now I am calm and collected. You, see I was only thinking of the three that at first came in front of me with leveled guns and ordered me to halt."

            "But that," said the judge, "with the two men behind you, would make five men, and but now you said there were only four."

            "That was all," said Acts; "three men in front, and one behind — four in all."

            "I understood you a moment ago to say there were two men behind you with leveled guns when you faced about ?" said the judge.

            "O yes, so there were, but you must know," said Acts, "that I did not at first see the short villain. He was sitting down on the ground, and was the leader of the

1888.]              The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.     69

gang, the greatest rascal of the lot. It was he that at first slapped me on the back and cried out: Put down that sack ! ' "

            " What sack was he speaking of ?" asked the judge.

            " Did I say anything about a sack ?" questioned Acts, gazing innocently into the face of the judge.

            "You certainly did," answered the judge, eyeing Acts in some surprise.

            " If I did it was a mere figure of speech," said Acts. ." What the tall fellow, who was captain did say was, 'Hold up your hands !' "

            " But," cried the judge, " just now you said the short man was the leader of the gang."

            " Beg your pardon, judge," said Acts, " but I said it was the short one that slapped me on the back, but it was the tall one that cried out : Put down those potatoes !' "

            " Potatoes ! " shouted the judge, growing red in the face ; " What do you mean, sir, by talking of potatoes ?"

            " Did I mention potatoes, your honor ? " coolly asked Acts.

            " You certainly did," roared the judge.

            " If I did I was only speaking figuratively, meaning 'Come out with your coin, your kale seed,' or something of the kind."

            Matthew and all the other apostolic friends of Acts were so astounded at hearing him giving utterance to such a jumble of nonsense that for a time they were rendered speechless. At this moment the door of the court-room opened, and in came a strapping six-footer, bearing under his left arm a large bundle.

            Acts glanced at this man, turned deathly pale, and darting quickly to a window, threw it up and attempted to get out of the room.

            This he found no easy matter when obliged to hold the sash of the window up with one hand. Before he had succeeded in doing more than to get one leg outside, he was hauled back into the room by a man who had accompanied the justice and Matthew to the office, and who proved to be a constable.

            "What is the meaning of all this ?" roared the justice, glancing from face to face. "Mr. Lewis," said he, addressing the big man that had come in with the bundle. "Mr. Lewis, what is up ? Do you know this man ?" pointing to Acts, who stood near in the clutches of the constable, and who was now blushing like a school-girl.

            "I do not know the gentleman's name —having never had the pleasure of an introduction — but I know his face. We have met before — once before. I see that he remembers me. He probably has no good opinion of me, seeing that I made him peel off these here duds, but I 'm not a bad sort of man after all. You know that, judge ?"

            "As to that, neighbor Lewis," answered the judge, "as to that, I will go further and say that no better man lives in this section. What I cannot understand is how you could have headed a gang of cut-throats and robbed this gentleman," pointing to the blushing Acts.

            "What does he say about the affair ? " asked "neighbor Lewis."

            The judge gave the story as told by Matthew and as gathered from Acts, then appealed to Matthew and the others to know if he had correctly stated the case. Matthew said that in the main circumstances it was right.

            " Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Mr. Lewis. "A strange story indeed. It shows that the young man is full of inventions."

            " Can you throw any light on the matter, Mr. Lewis ?" asked the judge.

            " Can I ?" cried " neighbor Lewis," " well, I guess I can give you the whole business."

            " You will oblige me very much by doing so," said the justice.

            " Neighbor Lewis " deposited his bundle on the judge's desk, Acts dropped limp into a chair, while Matthew and the others of

70        The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           [Jan.

the apostolic band stared about them without well knowing what to think or do.

            " Well," began ranchman Lewis, " last night, after I   got my supper, I was sitting reading my paper and smoking my pipe when my wife says to me, George ain't there somebody a-hollerin' ?'

            " I listened and said: I guess not.'

            " There it is again!' says my wife. "

            This time I heard it myself. I went out onto the porch and listened.  Whoo- oo-ee ! ' yelled some one.  "Whoo-oo-ee! ' yelled I.

            " Whoo-oo-ee!  Hell-o-o!' yells the other feller.

            " I went back into the house and says to my wife: 'Jane, I guess somebody 's in trouble somewhere. I 'll go and see what 's up.'

            " Take your gun, George,' says my wife. " Of course, Jane,' says I.

            " So I took down my own double-barrel and struck out.

            " Whoop-ee!' yelled the feller.

            " Whoop-ee! " answered I.

            " Whoo-roo-oo!' yells the critter.

            " The hollerin' seemed only two or three hundred yards away, just off in my pastur lot. I answered the yellin' and went straight toward where it seemed to come from. In the lot are a good many trees, and in places some thickets of brush, so for a time I could see nothing; besides, you know, it was only starlight.

            " Pretty soon, findin' I was gettin' near the yells, I says : Hello !' rather low. Hello ' says the feller, quite near.

            " I had just got through a patch of brush into an open space. I looked all about but could see no one, though the voice seemed close by.

            " Hello ! ' says I again and the voice answered, Hello ! '

            " I could still see nobody, so I sings out, Where are you ? What do you want ?'

            " Then the voice says : For God's sake come here, whoever you are ; I 'm treed by a bear!'

            " Looking up, I could then see against the sky a big black lump, stickin' against the side of a considerable sized pine tree, about thirty feet up and about fifty yards away.

            " Is the bear there now ? ' says I.

            " 'Yes,' says the feller, he 's here at the lower end of the tree.'

            " Sure of it ? ' says I.

            " Yes, sure,' says the man up the tree, can see him now.'

            " What is he doin' of?' says I, for I did n't want to make any rash breaks with a bear around.

            " He 's eatin' of a watermelon,' says the voice.

            " This was a puzzler and I began to think some one was playin' a trick on me. However, there was the man up the tree, no doubt of that.

            " How did the bear get the watermelon?' says I.

            " Says the voice : I was goin' across lots, toward the light of my camp fire, with some potatoes and a watermelon in a sack, when the bear made for me out of the brush and I throwed the sack on the ground and took to this tree.'

            " And the bear is there now eatin' of the watermelon, is he ? '

            " Yes,' says the feller, I s'pose the melon busted when I chucked it down and he 's eatin of it — I can hear him a-chompin' of it.'

            "'Hold your halt,' says I, 'and I'll see about him.' You see I did n't know but a bear might be packin' round there after my pigs, so I cocked my gun and moved up very cautious—just a step at a time.

            "At last I could see a black object—some animal — near the foot of the tree. I could also hear him chompin' away at the melon. I squatted down so as to try and bring the critter against the sky, but the brush behind him was too high. I leveled my gun and was about to let drive, pretty

1888.]              The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           71

much at random, when the animal spoke to me."

            "Spoke to you ! What do you mean, Mr. Lewis ?" cried the judge.

            "I mean just what I say, judge. The critter spoke to me, and I knowed his voice in a minute. It was my big old Berkshire boar, and I knowed his voice the first grunt he made.

            "I laughed right out when I heard Blossom — that 's what I call the old fellow —when I heard old Blossom grunt his wheezy grunt. I went up to old Blossom, sent him away with a kick, and said to the gentleman up the tree: 'come down, the bear 's dead!'

            " Judge, I dropped on the whole situation at once. I saw that the gentleman had been making a little free with my potater and melon patches and that, in trying to take a near cut across lots, he had mistook the light of my winder for his camp fire and was a-steering for it when old Blossom sauntered out toward him, probably from seein' the sack or smellin' the melon, for he is a great pet on the ranch.

            " As for the strippin' of the gentleman, judge, I did make him peel. I thought I 'd larn him a bit of a lesson. I asked him how much money he had about his clothes, and he said fifteen dollars."

            " Just fourteen dollars and seventy-five cents," put in Matthew.

            " So it proved," said the ranchman, giving Matthew a nod. " Well, I told my man that was not enough ; that it would not pay half his fine if I marched him away to the justice of the peace. In short, I gave him his choice, to peel his duds as I directed, or be marched off to jail at the muzzle of my gun. Well, my gentleman peeled, even to his boots, and would have given me his pantaloons had I asked for them. Then I made him tie up his feet in the sack, marched him out into the road, and ordered him to strike out for his camp, which the gentleman did.

            " Havin' had my joke, judge,— you just oughter heard Jane laugh when I showed her the duds and told her what I'd done,— havin' had my joke, bright and airly this morning I took all the gentleman's things, money and all, and went out to the camp to turn them over to him.

            " Well, at the camp I found a couple of chaps that told me the gentleman and his friends had come over here to town to lay complaint of an outrageous robbery. They told me some of the particulars, when I up and gave 'em the facts, opening my bundle and showin' the gentleman's duds to prove what I said. Then you should just have seen them two fellers roll and laugh.

            " When we 'd all had a good laugh, I struck out over here with the gentleman's things, which he is heartily welcome to. 'That's all there is about it, except that when you boys get down to camp you can come to my ranch and get all the pertaters and melons you can eat, and if you come to the house you can have all the milk and buttermilk you want. Jane would be pleased to see you all, and particularly the gentleman who was up the tree."

            During all the time the ranchman had been talking, Acts had not said a word, though he had turned half a dozen colors, and once or twice had faintly smiled.

            When all had been told and the laughter had subsided, Acts said: " All is true, just as the gentleman relates it. I acknowledge the corn,— acknowledge the potatoes, the bear or boar, and all else. Now, I ask you all, what could I do but invent the story of the robbers, after having allowed myself to be stripped as I did ? Had not things turned out as they have, I would have lost five times as much rather than have told you fellows the true story. Now that the truth is out, I throw myself on your mercy. All I ask is that you never tell this story on the Comstock."

            All promised faithfully, as Acts led the way to the nearest saloon, with his apostolic tail, the judge, the constable, and sev-

72        The Seven Nimrods of the Sierras.           [Jan.

eral of the townspeople trailing at his heels. It is hard, however, to completely suppress such a matter, and save the true names, the reader now has the whole story.

            Not quite the whole story of this eventful trip, however, for there is still a sort of sequel, an occurrence that probably operated to prevent the remainder of the apostles from bearing too hard upon poor Acts.

            Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Acts left Genoa a little after nine o'clock in the morning, and toward ten o'clock were nearing their camp. Only a small hill intervened between them and the camp. Suddenly they were startled by hearing several reports in rapid succession, like a string of firecrackers exploding. These light reports were followed by two heavy explosions. Looking toward their camp they saw a smoke rising above the trees.

            All hastened forward as rapidly as possible. Acts and Matthew, being on horseback, were the first on the ground. They found their wagon a mass of flames, with fire underneath and all about it. Cartridges or pistols were still occasionally exploding, making it unsafe to go near. It was a considerable distance to water ; besides the buckets and other vessels were being consumed in the fire. Therefore there was nothing to do but look on while their whole outfit was being destroyed.

            Where, all this time, were Dick and Tom ? They presently arrived, having heard the exploding of the cannisters of powder. It turned out that after the ranchman left they had concluded to go fishing, as it was not likely that any one would disturb the camp. A rising breeze had scattered sparks from their campfire and these had fired the woods. The pine boughs and bedding under the wagon, with the tent alongside, had taken fire and the result was before them.

            This accident ended the exploits of the apostolic band and brought to a close the "great expectation." On horseback and on foot — "riding and tying"— all managed to get back to the Comstock ; but it was long before a word could be got from any one of the party in regard to what had caused their sudden return, and they never once alluded to themselves as the " Seven Nimrods of the Sierras. "

Dan De Quille.