[Dan De Quille, The Green Dragon of the Plains, The New York Sun, February 20, 1887]

 

THE SUN, SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 1887 – TWELVE PAGES.   5

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THE GREEN DRAGON OF THE PLAINS.

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A Sad Accident that Occurred at Bud Crowner's First Ball in California.

            VIRGINIA CITY, Nev., Feb. 1.––  Here in Virginia City, the metropolis of Silverland, we have a society known as the Pacific Coast Pioneers. This society is composed of the "old timer" of  California. No man who arrived on the Pacific coast later than 1852 is admitted to membership. The Pioneers have a fine hall containing a cabinet of ores and minerals and a large collection of curiosities gathered in all parts of the world. The hall is a place of dally resort for all old "Forty-niners" who find time hanging heavy on their hinds With those men stories of the early days of gold digging in California and adventures on the Plains are always in order. Even when the regular monthly meetings are held the amount of business to be transacted is so small that it can be despatched in a few minutes when all present are ready for the yarn spinning which almost invariably ensues.

            At the hall a few evenings ago several of the "Old Boys," as the pioneers are lovingly called by our Pacific coasters, were talking over early days in California.  After a number of stories had been told Bud Crowner, a member from "Old Missouri," got the floor.

            "I shall never forgot my first ball in California," said Bud.  "It was at Hangtown (now Placerville), in 1852.  In crossing the plains we had all kinds of bad luck. We had some of our hosses stold by the Injuns and some got alkalied and jist naterally dried up inter mummies as they walked along. The poor critters was nothin' but skin and bone. All elst had bin eat out'n 'em by the alkali water and by the alkali they got in gnawing inter the ground after the roots of the grass, off'n which the critters of the head trains had eat the tops. The animals was nothin' more than mechanical machines. I actually saw one hoss hobble at his usual gait a full half mile after he was dead.  The poor, dried up old feller had so little life in him that he didn't know when it left, and his bones and skin jist went right along till a stumble tumbled him over.

            "Well, when our bosses died off we left behind wagons, pervisions, tools, and everything but the little we could pack on our backs. It soon got to be every feller for himself, and Injun take the hindmost. Some of my company got in with parties who was still crawlin' along with ox teams but I pushed right ahead afoot and tuck the desperate chances of gittin' a bite of grub here and there on the road. I walked right along by the ox wagons and by lots of hoss teams. Nearly naked and half starved, I totally got to the Humboldt River. I found a big party of emmigrants camped thar for a day or two to rest their stock, wash clothes, bake bread, and the like.

            "I was a rough-looking customer ; the wust in all that congregation. I had on an old red roundabout or warmer as we call it that I'd worn all the way from Pike, jean trousers that was ready to drop off me and a pair of moccasins that I got from a Shoshone Injun for a jackknife.  A more de-vastated critter nor what I was you never seed. A man at the camp tuck pity on me and showin' me two pairs of green baize drawers told me if I'd wash 'em I might have one pair for my trouble.

            As the drawers was sound und much bettor than my old pantaloons I jumped at the chance. So I washed the articles and hung 'em up on a bunch of wlllers at the edge of the river to dry. Presently the feller come and tuck one pair leavln' the other for me. He was a little spinlin' bit of a cuss while I was tall and even at that time starved as I was, weighed nigh on to 160 pounds. I tuck the drawers and went some distance down the river from the camp where I got behind a bunch of wlllers, out of sight of the wimmin folks, to make my toilet. The dryin' had shrunk the drawers to sich an extent that it tuck me bout half an hour to git inter 'em. They was skin tight and lacked six inches of reachin' down to my ankle jints. I was an amazin' sight. I looked for all the world like a naked man painted green from the waist down to the calves of the legs.

            "I walked up and down the bank of the stream for a long time before I could collect my feelin's sufficient to ventur' back to camp. When I reviewed myself over I felt so modest that I went and looked for my old breeches but I had throwed 'em into the river in the start, and they had floated away or sunk. So I resumed my walk and my cogertations. As I promenaded up and down thar by the water's edge my long slim  green legs made me look like one of these 'ere fly-up-the-creeks, a crane or some sich kind of a wadin' water fowl.

            "As there was all kinds of blamed fools a-bangin' away among the cottonwoods and willers skirtin' the river, shootin' at 'bout every thing in sight, I begun to be mightily afeerd of taken for some new kind of big crane of the wilderness. When I'd got my courage up to the stickin' p'int, I went back to the camp.

            As soon as I come in sight there was a grand commotion. Everybody roared and laughed, some rollin' theirselves on the ground and roarin' till they was black in the face. I offered to lick three or four of the wust of the roarers but nary a man of 'em could keep his face straight long enough to fight me. Finally like Baxter's hog, I went off in a drove by myself and sat down in the outskirts of the camp whur I began preparations for again takin' to the road. To keen the scorchin' sun from burnin' my ankles I got some strong cloth and made straps so I could strap the legs of the drawers down to my moccasins Then I was green from hips to feet.

            "When I got up to pursue my way I was so tightly cased in from my hips down that I could hardly bend my knee j'ints, but presently the drawers limbered up a little at that p'int. In passin' along by the wagon trains that I overtook I had to stand all the fun that people seed fit to poke at me and it was not a little. Men whooped and roared as I came in sight and the wimmin sittin' in the front parts of the wagons laughed till tears made streaks down their faces through the alkali dust. When one woman got sight of me every female critter in the wagon had got to have a look. It was: 'For God's sake Sally, Jane, Betsey ; look here!' and in a minit the whole front end of the wagon would be filled with faces peepin' out at me through long sun bonnets. Why they'd even hold up the babies to let them have a look at me.

            "At times the uproar would be sich that the people in and about the wagons half a mile ahead would all be lookin' back to see what was up, and sometimes the captains of trains  would come chargin' back under whip and spur to investigate. What made me look wuss than I otherwise would was the fact of my roundabout bein' red ; the red aggervated the green and the green the red. You bet I skipped along pretty lively past the wagons except when I was obliged to stop to ask for a drink of water or us bite of grub. As I hove in sight some feller would sing out 'Hurrah! here comes the great crane of the deserts!' and another: 'Oh the legs of him!'  Some one called me the 'Green Dragon of the Plains,' and one old fellow declared that I was the 'wingless flamingo of the inland lakes,' a bird he had been in search of for years.

            "Every train I overtook had some new name for me.  With one train I was the 'Upland Lobster of the Great Basin,' and with the next I was the 'Whangdoodle.' The lightest dose I got was to be asked how I got away from Barnum. I rather prided myself on the title of 'Green Dragon of the Plains,' and generally announced myself as sich when I got the chance, for it seemed to me that there was nothin' sneakin' about that.

            "Well when I got acrost the Sierras to Hangtown I found out that there was to be a grand ball that night just in the edge of the town. Before scattering out to the various California camps for which they were bound the people were goin' to have a farewell dance together. In the evenin' I thought I'd slip down to whar this dance was to come off and look on a while. I always was mighty fond of dances and down in old Missouri not many could beat me at the double-shuffle or the fancy stops and flings.

            "When I got to the place I found they had set up a lot of crotches in which they had laid poles coverin' the whole with pine and spruce boughs makin' a sort of canopy over a big open hall. The ground under this great shed had been levelled on and beaten down till it was like a brickyard. I found two or three fiddlers mounted up on pine boxes and with them a feller with a clarionet.  They were makin' pretty fair music, and a great crowd was a dancin' away.  A happier lot of people I never saw before and have never seen since.  All the dangers of the plains and deserts were left behind, and before was a land of flowers and of gold.

            "Well I stood in the edge of a crowd of two or three hundred spectators for a while as a mere looker-on, but pretty soon I got excited like.  My old Missouri ambition was aroused.  I forgot all about my drawers and sailed into the thick of the business with a tall, gallus Pike County gal, with sun-bonnet off and hair hanging down her back, almost to the heels of her shoes.  She was built like a racer and carried her head like the lead hoss of a band wagon.  I can tell you we made the dust fly!  I am a little over six foot, and that gal's head came well up over my shoulders ; so you can see we were no slouch of a couple.  Besides, the girl was prettier than a bay steer.

            "I soon saw that, though my drawers might be a little too tight, I had on about the soundest rig in the whole place. I looked just like I was in some kind of masquerade outfit, and I soon found that lots of the people thought I was made up for something, as I could hear the spectators in the front ranks buzzing about it. I began to consider myself the beau of the ball – a regular dandy.

            "'Go in, green legs!' the fullers on the outside would holler, and go in I did. Presently, in a pause in a dance, a spectator tapped me on the shoulder, and when I turned about he said: 'Excuse me sir, but some of us here are curious to know what you represent?'

            I stooped my mouth to his ear and said:  'The Green Dragon of the Plains.'

            "'Thank you, sir,' said the man.

            "He was going away when he turned back and said:  'And the lady – your partner ?'

            "'The Desert Waif,' said I.

            Soon we started off in another dance, and, heartened up as I was, I can tell you I made them long green legs of mine fly in swingin' on the corners.  I had for my partner the handsomest, limberest, and willingist gal in the whole outfit, and I was so jubilant I could hardly stay on the ground, but bounded like I was made of injun rubber.  Presently, when I'd just cut a wonderful flourish, there arose a cry of 'Hurrah for the Green Dragon of the Plains!' 'Whoop-er!'  'Bully for the Green Dragon!' and so the cry went up from a hundred throats.  Hardly was this over before, at another high flourish, there was a cry of 'Hurrah for the Desert Waif and the Green Dragon!'  'Hi, hi, for the Desert Waif, the Queen of the Plains!'  'And the Rose of Missouri!' added another voice.

            "'What do they mean by Green Dragon and Desert Waif?' whispered my partner.

            "'Why,' said I, 'they are applaudin' us. You are the Desert Wolf and I am the Green Dragon of the Plains. They think we are in a sort of masquerade rig.'

            "'I am sure I am not,' said she.

            "'No matter,' said I, 'they think so, on account of your hair covering you like a mantle.'

            "She was pleased ; and after that we both fairly flew. Never had I danced so before ; I seemed on steel springs. I got so excited about the sensation we were makin' that I cut all kinds of pigeon wings and fancy flourishes, inventin' not a few on the spur of the moment.

            "'Go in, Green Dragon!' and 'Glorious, my Desert Waif!' the fellers on the outside would holler, and then all got out of our way as we sailed and whirled up and down the hall.  I felt myself heels over head in love with my partner, and determined to find out whar she was goin' to, then foller her off and court her from the word go.  Finally, a couple of children came waltzin' along.  I thought it would be a good trick to sling one of my long, green legs, circus fashion, over the little couple.

            "I tried it and heard something rip. You can guess what had happened. I left that hall on the wing – left, runnin' like a kiotee.

            "As I left I heard behind me a hundred yells of 'Hi, the Green Dragon!' "Stop the Green Dragon!' 'Whoa!  The Green Dragon has stampeded!'

            "But the 'Green Dragon' did not stop.  He had business elsewhere about that time.  The 'Green Dragon' had an indistinct recollection of having jumped over the heads of several people, half a dozen oxen, and a wagon or two, but he did not stop till he crawled into the shelter of a friendly tent up in the town.  So ended my first ball in California, and I don't know as if I have ever set eyes on man, woman or child that was thar from that day to this.           

            "Guess you have," said an old chap among the listeners.  "I was thar and seed the whole performance.  It was my oldest gal you was a-dancin' with.  Her man has one of the biggest cattle ranches in California.  Kate don't dance much these times; but even now, though she's fifty-two, put her on a horse and she'll outride the wind."

            "The little gal you tried to swing your leg over," said another old cock, "was my child, and now she's the wife of Senator W–––a of California."

          "I am the very man that gave you those green-baize drawers," said another of the party.  "I remembered you as soon as you mentioned what happened out there on the Humboldt."

            "'Wonderful, wonderful!' cried Bud ; then, turning to an "Old Boy" sitting near he said : "And what are you?"

            "Blamedfino," said the man addressed.  "I guess I must a-bin the Injun that traded you the moccasins!"

DAN DE QUILLE.